why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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