I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
