I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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