homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
