i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
