Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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