I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
