I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
