Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
