he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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