Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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