If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will pee on everything he values.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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