we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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