Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
