Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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