i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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