I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
