he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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