nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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