Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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