I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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