you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
