My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
