i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize