New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
