I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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