I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
