She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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