so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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