I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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