I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
