is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
