She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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