my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
