We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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