Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
