I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
