Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
