Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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