dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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