whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
