I hate your face
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
