dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
