I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
