why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
