Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
