Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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