You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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