My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
