bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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