So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think your dad took our porno
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
