you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
