12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
