I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
