I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize