not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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