I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize