I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
