if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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