We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
