take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
pop tarts are not kleenex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Im part way to drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
