i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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