I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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