Me. At least after what I've been through.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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