so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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