I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
