Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
