Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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