it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
