Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
