There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
