I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
